i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
