but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
