Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
