I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We left the knife in your bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
