Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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