I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize