i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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