Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
