Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
