i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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