I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
