lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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