This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
