Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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