If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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