my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
