Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
