were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
