I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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