Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
