I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are we still banned from the library?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
