I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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