I hate your face
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
