smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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