im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize