He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
