At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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