i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
