what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
