I wanna bring you to show and tell
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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