a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to cum in my sink.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
