and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
