i wish there were pregnant emoticons
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need water and some morals
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
