so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
