the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
