You're my little dorito
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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