I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
