You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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