Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
