is your mom at the bar?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
