In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
