my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
