I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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