So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize