oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
