we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
