She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
