he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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