you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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