you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
