Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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