Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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