i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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