I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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