I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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