Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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