WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
