There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
