she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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