also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
