i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
