We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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