At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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