Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Umm I'm too high to move.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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