you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
