sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
