I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
