i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
