and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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