if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so let's talk penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
