i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
