false alarm. still invincible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
