my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
