having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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