Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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