entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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