actually, I'm a sock model
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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