So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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