Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
