Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
