I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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