Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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