also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i barfeds in our rink
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
